Things I learned at 23

23 was such a fun year! I started year 23 with a promise from God about my husband and I making a move to Graham after we quite literally had the life I dreamed of my whole life. It’s a good thing God knows better than us because although I had the exact image of what I wanted I had no idea what I was about to experience! Love, freedom, friendships, and an appreciation for life itself. I am fully convinced that the hardest part about life is enjoying it. There is so much to get you down but this year I wanted to high light some awesome things that truly changed me.

1. I started to figure out what it means to be a wife. A lot of people say your first year of marriage is the best but it wasn’t until the start of our second year that I felt like I actually understood what it meant to be a wife and a companion because I was able to work through the things about living with a boy that make absolutely no sense and sometimes you just have to just laugh. My husband is my best friend of all time and there is nothing better than when you come home and your man has done the dishes, taken the dogs out, and greeted you with “don’t worry about cooking, let’s go grab something to eat”. SEXY! As my parents say, “coins in the love bank”. Haha but truly I think we have found our rhythm and what works for us and it’s awesome!

2. I have learned a lot about patience and waiting. It took Buddy and I 6 months to be able to move to Graham and I would be lying if I said there weren’t times when I doubted. I figured out that there is a lot of growth in the waiting season of life so that when you are able to step into the promise you are ready for it. Just because we followed God’s will and we moved doesn’t mean we got here and everything was easy. Actually it was really really hard and I doubted. We thought our waiting season would end when we moved to Graham but to be honest we are still waiting on a lot of things. And that’s okay! We are enjoying it.

3. I have learned how to better identify my feelings. If you follow me on Instagram then you probably know I am am pretty open about struggling with anxiety and depression. Mental health for me is a real struggle but this year I have learned how to identify my feelings, the root of the cause, and talk to my awesome husband about it so that I am not processing it alone. I am not perfect but I am proud of myself and the growth that I have been through.

4. I learned that it’s not all about me. I will say it. I can be self centered. Somewhere in 23 (I can’t remember when exactly) I realized I can dominate conversations and I found myself turning everything someone else said to relate to me and my life. When I realized this, I caught myself many times mid self-boast, I fell short often, but it really wasn’t a painful thing at all, it actually made me happier to talk to someone about them and not have to talk about me unless asked. It’s nice to get to know people and hear their stories. Genuinely ask more questions and listen intently to others. It will change you.

5. I learned to enjoy life. Like I said earlier, I am convinced that the hardest part about life is enjoying it but throughout year 23 I learned to take in every season. Enjoy the rainy days in and the sunny days out. Enjoy the times when dinner consists of whatever is left in the fridge cooked up and dunked in cheese because pay day is tomorrow. Enjoy the highs of surprising your husband with a birthday trip to Vegas. Enjoy the date nights consisting of an indoor picnic with all your favorite fast food. Enjoy the friendships in front of you. Laugh at things you can’t change that could make you mad but all you can do is pay the fine (literally happened to us too many times 🤦🏼‍♀️). Enjoy being able to nurture a mom dog that surprised you with 5 puppies and raise them until they were able to find loving homes. Shout when you’re happy. Dance in your living room to Taylor Swift. Get a tattoo. Try that Pinterest project. Get that funky outfit. Put yourself out there. And kiss the one you love a lot.

23 was an amazing year. 24 has a lot to live up to, but I am looking forward to growing and changing. Learning and loving. Laughing and crying. But most of all, I am looking forward to life.

Foundation Issues

“Everyone who hears my teaching and applies it to his (her) life can be compared to a wise man (woman) who built his (her) house on an unshakable foundation. When the rains fell and the flood came, with fierce winds beating upon his house, it stood firm because of its strong foundation.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭7:24-25‬ ‭

Your house isn’t done after the foundation is poured. When you became a Christ follower your foundation was poured, but it doesn’t stop at that. Many people see this step as the finished product but it is purely the beginning. foundation is the most important part of your house, but remember that you have to keep building. Sometimes we struggle because it seams like the moment we have that foundation the rain starts to pour and we are standing there getting hit with life as we know it. Relationships fail, finances are tight, or your health takes a hit. I can honestly say that I have experienced all of those first hand. Just remember that God’s grace gave you that foundation not because you earned it but purely because He loves you. Now it is your turn to build. Continue reading “Foundation Issues”

He Provides

“God gives you your needs and your needs have been provided for” I kept telling myself. It was a broken record playing over and over again like one of those moments in your life that your brain for some reason wants to remind you of every single day. I felt like I was trying to convince myself that God had been faithful even though I am not going to lie, I definitely felt like He was holding back from me in that moment.

There was something I needed God to seriously intervene on and I just kept telling Him, “Okay God I know you will provide and I trust you.” But in reality what I meant was “WHERE IN THE FREAKING WORLD IS THIS THING I HAVE BEEN ASKING FOR FOR SO LONG?”

Now looking back I see just how entitled I was acting. My husband and I had just moved because we felt led by God, I changed Jobs, gave up luxuries, and I felt like it was God’s turn to give me this “need” I had been asking for since after all I gave up a lot for Him. I waited patiently. But I did snap.

Most of my honest conversations with God happen in my car. This particular morning I was sitting there crying and upset and I said this for the millionth time “God you say that you will provide for my needs and yet you’re not. I need this and it’s like you don’t even care.”

You see, we can measure our time here on earth. We do this by days and time but heaven can’t be measured because there is no end. It is for eternity. Since God resides in heaven which is not bound by time then why are we measuring God’s faithfulness and love on it? I actually don’t like the saying, “God’s timing is perfect” because God doesn’t work off of timing, he works off of His goodness and the opportunity that is best for his children. There I was sitting in my car just moments before work. It was 5:30am and I was a complete mess. It was his goodness and opportunity to answer my desperate prayer.

You hear it all the time and even sometimes preached from the pulpit, “God will provide your need. He will make sure you have food and water.” But how do you explain the children and the families starving to death and drinking water that gives them illnesses. How do you explain the people dying and being captured for their faith. How do you explain this. Truth is, we can’t. We know there is a devil that is here to kill, steal, and destroy but we don’t know why or how he chooses his victims. What we do know is that our treasure doesn’t lie in this world, but in heaven. and thank God for that because I don’t know about you but I think in heaven I would like to live a little better. This life compared to forever in heaven is such a short time.

I remember understanding this for the first time when my best friend passed away. I suddenly understood the brief time we have here. But even more importantly, I understood the eternity of Heaven. The pain that we experience on earth is no joke and I don’t want to belittle anyone’s hurt. Just remember “For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” (Ephesians‬ ‭6:12‬)

The Holy Spirit reminded me that in the end the only thing I need in my life is Jesus. I was dumbfounded. He reminded me that If I didn’t have food, a roof over my head, friends, acceptance, provision, or anything that we see as a “need” it wouldn’t matter because at the end of our day the ONLY thing that matters is that we have Jesus and share Jesus in every season. Sure that might sound easy for me to say since I can honestly say I have never experienced those things, but when the Lord gets a hold of you, his words touch you to the core and his understanding is given to you in its fullness.

It was after this “ah ha” moment that suddenly the burden of my request that I was demanding God I needed, was lifted. Truth is, Jesus answered my prayer 2019 years ago on the cross. He provided my need. He paid my price. And he saved my soul.

This may not be the answer you wanted if you are pleading with the Lord over something you see as a need. I wish I could tell you that you are never going to struggle and that being a Christian will mean an abundance of finances, health, laughter, and ease. Accepting Jesus is easy. Following him in every season can be hard. But just remember that our treasures are in Heaven and our answer is always Jesus.