He Provides

“God gives you your needs and your needs have been provided for” I kept telling myself. It was a broken record playing over and over again like one of those moments in your life that your brain for some reason wants to remind you of every single day. I felt like I was trying to convince myself that God had been faithful even though I am not going to lie, I definitely felt like He was holding back from me in that moment.

There was something I needed God to seriously intervene on and I just kept telling Him, “Okay God I know you will provide and I trust you.” But in reality what I meant was “WHERE IN THE FREAKING WORLD IS THIS THING I HAVE BEEN ASKING FOR FOR SO LONG?”

Now looking back I see just how entitled I was acting. My husband and I had just moved because we felt led by God, I changed Jobs, gave up luxuries, and I felt like it was God’s turn to give me this “need” I had been asking for since after all I gave up a lot for Him. I waited patiently. But I did snap.

Most of my honest conversations with God happen in my car. This particular morning I was sitting there crying and upset and I said this for the millionth time “God you say that you will provide for my needs and yet you’re not. I need this and it’s like you don’t even care.”

You see, we can measure our time here on earth. We do this by days and time but heaven can’t be measured because there is no end. It is for eternity. Since God resides in heaven which is not bound by time then why are we measuring God’s faithfulness and love on it? I actually don’t like the saying, “God’s timing is perfect” because God doesn’t work off of timing, he works off of His goodness and the opportunity that is best for his children. There I was sitting in my car just moments before work. It was 5:30am and I was a complete mess. It was his goodness and opportunity to answer my desperate prayer.

You hear it all the time and even sometimes preached from the pulpit, “God will provide your need. He will make sure you have food and water.” But how do you explain the children and the families starving to death and drinking water that gives them illnesses. How do you explain the people dying and being captured for their faith. How do you explain this. Truth is, we can’t. We know there is a devil that is here to kill, steal, and destroy but we don’t know why or how he chooses his victims. What we do know is that our treasure doesn’t lie in this world, but in heaven. and thank God for that because I don’t know about you but I think in heaven I would like to live a little better. This life compared to forever in heaven is such a short time.

I remember understanding this for the first time when my best friend passed away. I suddenly understood the brief time we have here. But even more importantly, I understood the eternity of Heaven. The pain that we experience on earth is no joke and I don’t want to belittle anyone’s hurt. Just remember “For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” (Ephesians‬ ‭6:12‬)

The Holy Spirit reminded me that in the end the only thing I need in my life is Jesus. I was dumbfounded. He reminded me that If I didn’t have food, a roof over my head, friends, acceptance, provision, or anything that we see as a “need” it wouldn’t matter because at the end of our day the ONLY thing that matters is that we have Jesus and share Jesus in every season. Sure that might sound easy for me to say since I can honestly say I have never experienced those things, but when the Lord gets a hold of you, his words touch you to the core and his understanding is given to you in its fullness.

It was after this “ah ha” moment that suddenly the burden of my request that I was demanding God I needed, was lifted. Truth is, Jesus answered my prayer 2019 years ago on the cross. He provided my need. He paid my price. And he saved my soul.

This may not be the answer you wanted if you are pleading with the Lord over something you see as a need. I wish I could tell you that you are never going to struggle and that being a Christian will mean an abundance of finances, health, laughter, and ease. Accepting Jesus is easy. Following him in every season can be hard. But just remember that our treasures are in Heaven and our answer is always Jesus.

Vegas Trip Rewind and Life Update

For my amazing husband’s 29th birthday I decided to surprise him with a trip to Vegas. It took 2 months to plan and it was one of the hardest secrets in my entire life to keep. I had his family take him out for his family birthday dinner and after when we got to the car I broke the news to him that we were actually going to the airport. His response… well I guess you will just have to watch the video at the bottom.

vegasssWe boarded at 11pm and arrived in Vegas at 12:15am. I booked us a room at the Flamingo Hotel. This is the same hotel that we went to for our honeymoon in 2017. We absolutely fell in love with the location, retro vibe, and some of the best black jack and craps tables. Upon arrival we were upgraded to a newly renovated suite that overlooked the strip.

The next morning when we were on our way to breakfast where we usually get a day pass to eat unlimited meals at 8 different Vegas buffets, we were stopped for a promotional deal where they would give us tickets to any show if we sat through an “info” meeting vegasssssabout timeshares. I really didn’t want to do it but free tickets were on the line, so we went for it. Never again. We got a free breakfast, $75 dinner voucher, and $100 in cash to tell this incredibly pushy salesman that we weren’t going to buy a time share. In my mind it so was not worth it.

The rest of the day we spent window shopping at the forum at Caesars Palace and let me just tell you, that place is so dangerously amazing. I could spend all day there. For dinner we went to a steak restaurant that was located in our hotel. I seriously can not brag on the Flamingo Hotel enough. If we wanted to we could literally never leave since it has everything you would every want. We learned how to play craps and had a blast at a table vegasssssswith many other Texans.

Before we knew it, the next day we were on our way back home with a little extra change in our pockets and full excitement to be moving into our new home.

We got all moved in and have been loving our new little place, city, friends, and taking a leap of faith. A lot of change has occurred within these last few weeks but we are enjoying it all. I haven’t felt this sure about where I am supposed to be in life since I married my incredible husband. God has been so faithful and loved us through it all. We know that we are here for a purpose.

Enneagram Results and Thoughts

I jumped right on the back of that bandwagon. I took the enneagram test. I love these type of personality quizzes that tell you about yourself and even sometimes allow a bit of revelation to your current situation or relationships but I am not going to lie, this one stung a little. There I am clicking all the answers and patting myself on the back about myself and then the results hit me like a ton of bricks.

I read the outcome and ouch. I am a 3 and here is the first thing I read:
“People of this personality type need to be validated in order to feel worthy; they pursue success and want to be admired.” Well that was a blow to the ego. The funny thing was, I took the test so that I could validate what I already thought about myself and here is it spinning my intentions negatively but so honestly.

I finished reading it and felt like I was just picked on by the school bully. I decided to read it again but this time with a much different perspective: “I want authentic friendships that build each other up, not tear one another down. I want to be successful and a good example to young girls. I don’t give myself to a lot of people because I save it for my closest inner circle and that is okay. I am adaptable to my surroundings. I want to spread happiness with others because there is already so much negativity in the world. I am a leader, influencer, and to the core of myself, I am exactly who God intended me to be.”

When I read it this way and spoke positivity over myself it was like God was reminding me of how He sees me. I am aware that the enneagram is semi-controversial and some people attribute it to witchcraft which I do not think so, but to each their own. I also know that just because you take a 75 question test, it shouldn’t give you a definition of yourself that you should live by. But I do think that it helps you assess who you are and the miracle of the uniqueness that God has instilled in you. If you want to take the test there is a link below.

Enneagram Test