He Provides

“God gives you your needs and your needs have been provided for” I kept telling myself. It was a broken record playing over and over again like one of those moments in your life that your brain for some reason wants to remind you of every single day. I felt like I was trying to convince myself that God had been faithful even though I am not going to lie, I definitely felt like He was holding back from me in that moment.

There was something I needed God to seriously intervene on and I just kept telling Him, “Okay God I know you will provide and I trust you.” But in reality what I meant was “WHERE IN THE FREAKING WORLD IS THIS THING I HAVE BEEN ASKING FOR FOR SO LONG?”

Now looking back I see just how entitled I was acting. My husband and I had just moved because we felt led by God, I changed Jobs, gave up luxuries, and I felt like it was God’s turn to give me this “need” I had been asking for since after all I gave up a lot for Him. I waited patiently. But I did snap.

Most of my honest conversations with God happen in my car. This particular morning I was sitting there crying and upset and I said this for the millionth time “God you say that you will provide for my needs and yet you’re not. I need this and it’s like you don’t even care.”

You see, we can measure our time here on earth. We do this by days and time but heaven can’t be measured because there is no end. It is for eternity. Since God resides in heaven which is not bound by time then why are we measuring God’s faithfulness and love on it? I actually don’t like the saying, “God’s timing is perfect” because God doesn’t work off of timing, he works off of His goodness and the opportunity that is best for his children. There I was sitting in my car just moments before work. It was 5:30am and I was a complete mess. It was his goodness and opportunity to answer my desperate prayer.

You hear it all the time and even sometimes preached from the pulpit, “God will provide your need. He will make sure you have food and water.” But how do you explain the children and the families starving to death and drinking water that gives them illnesses. How do you explain the people dying and being captured for their faith. How do you explain this. Truth is, we can’t. We know there is a devil that is here to kill, steal, and destroy but we don’t know why or how he chooses his victims. What we do know is that our treasure doesn’t lie in this world, but in heaven. and thank God for that because I don’t know about you but I think in heaven I would like to live a little better. This life compared to forever in heaven is such a short time.

I remember understanding this for the first time when my best friend passed away. I suddenly understood the brief time we have here. But even more importantly, I understood the eternity of Heaven. The pain that we experience on earth is no joke and I don’t want to belittle anyone’s hurt. Just remember “For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” (Ephesians‬ ‭6:12‬)

The Holy Spirit reminded me that in the end the only thing I need in my life is Jesus. I was dumbfounded. He reminded me that If I didn’t have food, a roof over my head, friends, acceptance, provision, or anything that we see as a “need” it wouldn’t matter because at the end of our day the ONLY thing that matters is that we have Jesus and share Jesus in every season. Sure that might sound easy for me to say since I can honestly say I have never experienced those things, but when the Lord gets a hold of you, his words touch you to the core and his understanding is given to you in its fullness.

It was after this “ah ha” moment that suddenly the burden of my request that I was demanding God I needed, was lifted. Truth is, Jesus answered my prayer 2019 years ago on the cross. He provided my need. He paid my price. And he saved my soul.

This may not be the answer you wanted if you are pleading with the Lord over something you see as a need. I wish I could tell you that you are never going to struggle and that being a Christian will mean an abundance of finances, health, laughter, and ease. Accepting Jesus is easy. Following him in every season can be hard. But just remember that our treasures are in Heaven and our answer is always Jesus.

Speaking Life

“From the fruit of a man’s mouth his stomach is satisfied; He is satisfied by the yield of his lips. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”

Proverbs 18:20-21

This verse has really been challenging me lately. I have heard this verse a million times but just now it has really become alive to me. I used to look at this verse and apply it to how I talk to others, which is still very important, but when you really look at it, it’s more than that.

I have been convicted about my speech. I have realized just how negative I can be. Nothing is ever good, there is always something wrong. I tend to have something to complain about and I am not afraid to say it out loud. This isn’t something that I kind of struggled with, no, it is something that has been putting me down for a while now and had my husband not pointed it out in the most loving of ways, maybe I would have never noticed. I was eating from the fruit of my mouth which was negative and most definitely not life giving.

If you notice the verse doesn’t say “there is death and life in the power of the tongue when you speak to others or when you talk about yourself” no, it says “death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Period. Meaning, everything you say has either life or death attached to it. After realizing this is something I really struggled with and I caught myself about to say something negative but the conviction would hit hard. Many times I even ignored it and talked negatively anyways. I felt ridiculous, like it was an addiction.

As I was really struggling with taming my tongue, I was reading through 1st and 2nd Kings about the story of David. I’m not going to lie, things got personal between me and God. I would sit there in anger and wonder why David was supposed to be a ‘Man After God’s Own Heart’ and yet he did many things that were against the ten commandments. I was mad that David had great treasures and yet still had some of the greatest failures. Truthfully, I was mad because I had felt like God was speaking to everyone else but me while I was trying so hard to do the right thing and others didn’t even want to hear from God, yet they were. I would complain to God, “You say ‘ask and you shall receive’, ‘you want to give us the desires of our hearts’ and yet here I am waiting while you talk to everyone else.”

One morning as I was reading more into David’s story I realized something. Almost every time David spoke, He praised God. The man would get a loaf of bread after being in the wilderness and he would say “God has provided” (those probably wouldn’t have been the first words out of my mouth, not going to lie). I realized that he was a man, an imperfect human, after God’s own heart, chasing God’s heart and giving him the glory for everything, not a man that God just said, “well he is my homie so I will turn a blind eye to all the destruction and still bless him.” no, David was blessed because although he failed, he gave glory to God in every season, never cursing God or leading with a negative spirit, but with a spirit chasing after God and what He wanted for him.

It made me realize that maybe I wasn’t hearing from God because of the words and thoughts that were clouding over me. Maybe God was speaking but I chose to hear the negative. And maybe God was trying to reveal to me that even through our sin and darkness, if we choose to listen, speak life, and actively pursue God above all else, He will give us more than we deserve because He loves us no matter how many things we do wrong.

“Let all you do be done in love” 1 Corinthians 16:14

“..Put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” Colossians 3:14

Taming the tongue is hard, and I know that it’s something that I struggle with because the devil is afraid of what God will accomplish through me if I choose to put on love, listen to all the life God is speaking into me, and then share living words that lift others up. But, like David, I choose to be a woman actively seeking after God’s own heart.

Is this something you struggle with? How can I be praying for you?

Dealing With Emotions at Work

Finding an emotional balance at work can be really hard. I have been on both ends of the spectrum (super emotional and extremely unattached). Of course we know that work shouldn’t be a place for “boo hoo” crying or letting our frustrations get the best of us, but we are human and many of us spend more time at work than we do at home. So, how do we assess our emotions and handle them in a healthy way so that we can stay professional and avoid a total break down? Continue reading “Dealing With Emotions at Work”