I posted something on my Instagram today because I am having a #bossbabe kind of day where I am feeling the productivity and motivation. In fact, before 10am I had cleaned my home, vacuumed, let the dogs out, showered, eaten, and laid down for a 45min snoozer. I was feeling goooooood!
I was headed off to get my nails done and thinking about how my life has gone from daily anxiety attacks and depression suffocating me to now living in the positivity of the day. Sure I still have my moments but I really have seen a huge improvement in my quality of life. This is what I posted.
I could sit here and say my life is happy just because those are the cards that have been dealt to me but I would be lying. The past 8 months have actually been some of the hardest times I have faced. And if we were being honest I didn’t say those things to myself. Actually, my husband was the one saying it to me since the day we got married but these past 8 months I decided to believe him. I started speaking them over myself and laying down my insecurity, fear, and even pride in the mornings.
I have learned to declutter my life, holding onto the long lasting friendships and giving up the ones where it is clearly a one way. Getting rid of things in our house that we don’t need, cleaning out my closet, spending my money on things that will make memories and not just stuff, finding joy in the struggle, and reminding myself that I have no need.
I feel like a hippie if we are being honest. “Live in the moment, don’t worry about tomorrow, stop trying so hard, and what is meant to be will be” are phrases I find myself saying in stressful situations. If you met me you probably wouldn’t compare me to a hippie because I’m still pretty driven and not totally laid back but from where I was to now, I have felt a huge change.
It all started with how I spoke to myself. Positivity is a continual journey. It doesn’t just happen. The start is actually the hardest because you realize just how negative you can be and then you beat yourself down. Give yourself some grace. Allow yourself to make mistakes but then get back up and move forward.
Even now I catch myself saying “I used to be so fun and people wanted to hang out with me” but I combat that with “I am fun, people do want to hang out with me, I am outgoing, I am funny, and I am a source of joy”.
Growing up, my mom always taught us to be confident and because of that I have never really felt jealousy or deep insecurity about my appearance or who I am. Sure, every girl struggles a little but I wouldn’t say that it is something that holds me back. What I didn’t realize was the way I was talking to myself about my life was not positive which lead me to constantly being upset with every season I was in, even a winning season.
It took me a while to figure out why I was so unhappy. No amount of change was going to bring me joy. I was going to have to find joy in the present not in the what-if.
8 months later here I am, actually happy with less than I have ever had. I had heard it all the time, “love is a choice, joy is a choice” but I would get so frustrated because I didn’t know how to just choose it. It starts with the way to talk to yourself. Start there and see the other things in life fall into place.